Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
