Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
