Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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