I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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