Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
