it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
