i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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