I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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