oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
