these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't think brook has ever known best
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
