He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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