I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize