I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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