so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize