You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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