No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
