Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
