It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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