every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
