I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize