I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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