Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize