The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We're too hungover to prance.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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