I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
