i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
