a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
