Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The adults are the big ones right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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