I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
