Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I know her cup size but not her name....
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