It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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