your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
