how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
