Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
