Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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