Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
