dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
