Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
