YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
