i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize