Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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