i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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