well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i came on her dog
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
