she was so not down for the gang bang
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
