do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
