I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
