i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
