I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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