she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
