I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
