i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
