I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
