Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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