I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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