bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
cat food counts as protein by the way
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
