Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
