No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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