Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
