we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This house was built for laser tag.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
