I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
