He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
