the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
