i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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