and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
