I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
