What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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