happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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