I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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