Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
