he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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