He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
420 ftw
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
