What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm sobbing to NWA
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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