ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
