He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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