Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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