Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize