I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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