Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
