How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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