so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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