Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want a musical about memes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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