K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
