You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
