1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
