I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
