i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
