I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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