I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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